


Forgiveness

by Samsamiam



Series: Sick of Losing Soulmates [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Multi, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:33:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24619156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samsamiam/pseuds/Samsamiam
Summary: Bucky can’t always remember everything, the chair fried him pretty good for that, but once his memories start returning so many of them are of Steve. The first time they met, when he realizes they were soulmates, the first time Steve got so sick Bucky thought he was going to die. There are so many memories it’s hard sometimes. Sometimes he can’t be around Steve because Steve fills his head and he just can’t process it. He gets angry and snaps and he knows how much it hurts Steve, he can see it in his eyes, but it’s just too much.That’s what makes Tony so easy to talk too. He doesn’t have any expectations and Bucky can be around him without being worried about being assaults by memories. He knows it’s selfish, he knows that Tony has done so much for him already, but it’s just so much easier. He never kicks him out or tells him to fuck off. He’s nice and caring and he doesn’t always pay attention if he’s too absorbs in his work but he’s there when everything else is too hard.Fuck. Oh fuck. He’s in love with him.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Sick of Losing Soulmates [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1754056
Comments: 10
Kudos: 173





	Forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Soulmate AU and the premise is the most important words your soulmate says to you are written on your skin in their handwriting.  
> Bucky's words are on his left shoulder (theyre what steve said and he lost them with the arm) and on his right shoulder  
> small tw for suicidal thoughts

Bucky is pretty hazy on most of the things that happened in the last couple months. He knows he fought Stark, he knows Stark knows what he did, but for some reason he’s allowed to come back. For some reason he’s allowed in his home. He shouldn’t be allowed back in the fucking country with the shit he’s done, with the red on his ledger, let alone in Stark’s tower. Maybe it’s for Steve, yeah that must be it, for Steve.

***

Tonight, is a bad night. He can’t sleep and he wants to rub his skin raw. He doesn’t want to wake Steve up, he does that enough with his nightmares and he knows it’s just one of those nights that Steve can’t help, so he leaves.

“Friday?” he asks once he’s out of the room, out of Steve’s freakish super soldier ear shot.

“How may I help Sergeant Barnes?” she replies almost instantly, Bucky doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to that.

“If I want to be undisturbed where would be best to go,” He asks, looking up at the ceiling, something Tony makes fun of Steve for doing but he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to stop. He pretends not to notice that Tony never mentions when he does it. ~~Because he’s dangerous, a murderer, a threat.~~

“The roof. I can take you up if you head into the elevator,” She supplies.

“Thank you,” he says and lets her take him up.

He sits on the edge of the roof and dangles his legs over the edge. He leans back, exhaling and tilting his head to the sky.

“Friday you’re up here, too right?” Bucky asks.

“Yes sir.” She responds

“How far is it to the ground?” he asks.

“The tower is 50 stories.” She supplies

“Wonder if I’d die if I jump.” Bucky mumbles.

“Perhaps I should call…” she says and she almost sounds worried.

“Don’t call Steve,” Bucky says, “I’m fine.”

She goes silent after that but a few minutes later he hears the door to the roof open and someone say, “Hey.” he registers the voice as Stark’s. “You’re freaking out the kids.”

Bucky freezes. He expects it to be Steve or Nat or Sam. He sure as hell did not expect it to be Stark. “I told FRIDAY not too…”

“She’s a little shit. She’s good at finding loopholes. You told her not to alert Steve. She didn’t alert Steve.” Stark sits down next to him.

Bucky tenses. “You should leave.”

Stark rolls his eyes and says, “I’m good.”

“Stark,” Bucky says, warningly. Why the hell is Stark even here? He killed his fucking parents.

Stark cuts him off. “My roof, my rules,”

God of course. He’s already done enough to him. “You’re right,” he says, scrambling to push himself up, “I’m sorry.”

“Woah,” Stark says, grabbing his arm, “That’s not what I meant.”

“You don’t have to pretend like you want me here.” Bucky snaps, flinching away, “I don’t even know how you can stand to have me in the tower. I know you’re doing it for Steve but I don’t know how you can stand me.” He shrinks into himself but sits back down none the less. He’s done enough to Stark and if Stark wants him to stay for some reason he’ll stay.

“Can what?” Stark asks and fuck it seems almost a little cruel to make him say it but he does none the less.

“Live with a murderer.”

“Damn and I thought I had a shitty view of myself.” Stark turns to him with such an intense look it makes Bucky want to look away. “Barnes, I forgave you before I forgave Steve.”

“What?” Bucky has no clue what that’s supposes to mean.

“You were brainwashed. I need time, but it wasn’t your fault. I knew it wasn’t your fault.” Stark turns and stares out at the city. “Steve drove his shield into my heart. It was in defense of you and I get that, but, in the end, it was easier to forgive you.”

“Tony,” Bucky feels his eyes begin to fill.

“James.” Tony turns back to him. “This is long overdue. It’s not your fault and I should really be the one asking for it, but **_I forgive you_**.”

Bucky turns towards him and hopes Stark didn’t notice the tears in his eyes.

***

Bucky is sitting with his leg’s dangles over the balcony smoking, a habit he picked up solely because it was something, he could choose to do, when he hears Stark approach behind him. He knew it was Stark, he’s the only one Friday calls anymore. He doesn’t say anything until Stark slides down next to him. “I made sure to tell Friday not to alert you this time.”

“Balcony this time. That’s definitely more inventive,” Stark says, tilting his head up to the sky, avoiding the unasked question in Bucky’s voice.

“Why are you up here?” Bucky asks the question he had thought was obvious.

“Make sure you didn’t jump,” Stark says with a shrug, trying to play it off as a joke. “Suits would have caught you. I programed them to do that but it would be a whole lot better if I didn’t have to restrain you. Plus, have you ever seen that kicked puppy look Steve gets? He’d look at you with it and then at me with it and he’d get all sincere and nice and I don’t do well with gross feelings so I figured this was better,” He rambles.

“I told Friday not to tell anyone. I specified that she shouldn’t bother you,” Bucky continues to insist.

Stark leans against the wall and sighs. “My order overrides yours. She’s told to respect your orders until she believes you are a danger to yourself. Plus…

“Or others,” Bucky interrupts. “I’m not stupid you don’t have to coddle me.”

Stark doesn’t even deign that with a response just continues what he was saying. “Plus, not a bother I was awake anyway.”

“So, what you just never sleep?” Bucky says, laughing slightly.

“Not a lot no,” Stark steals the cigarette out of Bucky hand.

“You shouldn’t be smoking,” Bucky says, snatching the cigarette back.

“What and you should?” Starks laughs and reaches for it.

Bucky lunges out of the way. “Stop it. I’m a super soldier and you have a bad heart. Our situations are very different.”

Stark crosses his arms and pouts, leaning against the railing. And it’s not cute, _it’s not_.

“Why are you here?” Bucky snaps.

Stark smirks and crosses his arms. “I told you…”

Barnes cuts him off. “No not the stupid ‘I’m Tony Stark and I don’t show my feelings so I’ll hide it with jokes’ bullshit. Why are you really here?”

“Wow okay if that’s not the pot calling the kettle black,” Tony scoffs but Bucky can hear the vulnerability behind it.

“You’re deflecting,” Bucky says, not willing to drop it quite yet.

“And you still haven’t told me why you’re smoking on a balcony that isn’t even to your room at,” he pauses and taps his watch. “4 in the morning.”

“Didn’t want to wake Steve. He doesn’t sleep much either. Doesn’t need to deal with my shit.” Bucky leans his forehead against the railing, closing his eyes.

“Don’t let Steve hear that. He’ll go all wounds soldier on you stop sleeping or some shit.” Stark says and yeah Bucky can definitely picture that, he adds, “No I’m serious should have seen him the first-time Pepper assigned him to drag me out of the lab. He circles me like a fucking puppy. I finally gave up and just went to bed so he would stop looking at me like that.”

Bucky lifts his head back up. “He was always like that.” Bucky was surprised at the truth in the statement, his memory has been spotty since he came back. “Even when he was this sick scrawny little fuck. Always hated when he couldn’t work. I’d get home and he’d be all pouty and bitchy.”

Stark laughs. “Yeah he’s a self-sacrificing piece of shit. Good thing he’s got all that super soldier strength now though. can’t imagine how he survived with all that spunk as a sickly little shit.”

“He sure as hell was hard to handle.” Bucky laughs.

“I’m sure you handled him just fine.” Stark bumps their shoulders and smiles over at him.

Bucky smiles. “Picked him up and moved him when I couldn’t.”

He barks out a harsh laugh, “oh I’m sure, he loved that.”

“Couldn’t fucking stand it.” Bucky smirks.

“You know the more I find out about you Barnes the more I like you.”

“Bucky,” Bucky says, “Barnes is too formal. I’m living in your god damn tower. Just Bucky.”

Stark smiles wide. “Well then just Bucky. Call me Tony. Just Tony.”

***

Sometimes Bucky can’t tell how real his nightmares are but he figures it’s best for everyone if he never tells anyone he’s had multiple of Howard Stark doing maintenance on his arm. If it’s true it’s going to be devastating to both Steve and Tony. It’s probably not real. Right?

***

The day he asks Tony to fix his arm and is promised a new one is one of the worst days he’s had in a while. The whole reason he finally caves and goes to Tony is because the pain is getting worse. Then he knows Tony finds something in the arm he’s not telling him but he doesn’t want to push so he just leaves but then he and Steve are lying in bed watching one of the movies they need to catch up on when Steve gets the call and leaves the room to take it but when he comes back, he just sticks his head in.

“I’m going to check on Tony,” Steve says.

“Why? Who was that?” Bucky scrambles off the bed. “What’s wrong? Is he hurt?”

“It was Nat,” Steve says, “She just talked to Colonel Rhodes who was worried about Tony. She said he didn’t give her much detail but he wanted her to go check on him. She called me because she’s still away.” He walks over and kisses his forehead. “I’m sure its fine. I’m just going to check on him I’ll be back.”

Bucky lets Steve go because he’s worried about Tony and needs to know that he’s okay but if Tony had wanted him, he surely would have had FRIDAY call him. Bucky paces circles around the room until Steve came back carrying Tony. The minute they come in Bucky could smell the booze.

“Jesus,” Bucky snaps when he registers just how drunk Tony is, “What the hell? I was down there like four hours ago.” He walks forward and reaches to take Tony from Steve before he realizes, he only has one arm.

“Wait!” Tony slurred, suddenly looking alert and panicked, “No. No Bucky! Can’t see me like this. He can’t know.” He flails and Bucky watches Steve

“Can’t know what Doll?” Bucky asks, stroking his hair out of his face.

“’M so sorry,” He mumbled.

Bucky gently shushes him. “It’s alright Doll. Nothing to apologize for,” Bucky says, softly, “Let’s get you to bed. We can talk about this in the morning.”

“Like it when you call me that,” Tony mumbles.

“Call you what?”

“Doll, easy to pretend. You never call me it before. Please call me it more.” Bucky didn’t even realize he’d been doing it if he was being honest.

Bucky pushes his hair out of his face and kisses his forehead, “Whatever you say Doll.”

Steve lays him down on the bed and Bucky’s pretty sure Tony’s asleep before he even hits the blankets

“What just happened?” Bucky asks.

“I don’t know I was hoping you could tell me that. What happened while you were down there?” Steve asks.

“I don’t know,” Bucky says, slumping to the ground and laying his head in his hands. “Maybe the arm is too much but I just asked him to fix it. He’s the one who offered to rebuild it.”

“I don’t think that’s it,” Steve says, “He’s upset about something. Even if the arm was too much, he would work himself to the bone instead. It’s not healthy I know but we probably wouldn’t ever know it.”

“There was something in the arm,” Bucky says, “He was surprised or upset or something about it.”

“I don’t know Buck,” Steve says, laying his hand on his shoulder, “We’ll talk to him about it in the morning.”

***

Bucky doesn’t sleep. He knows Steve tries to stay up because he can tell Bucky’s up but he drifts off about halfway through the night.

Steve gets up before Tony and goes for a run. He asks Bucky to join him but they both know he won’t. Steve was there when Tony was at his worst. He’s seen Tony drunk and depressed before so he knows it’ll pass and tries to assure Bucky of such but he isn’t letting him out of his sight until it does.

Steve gets it and promises to get breakfast for them so they can talk. Steve brings aspirin and a glass of water and tells him to make Tony take it if he wakes up before Steve gets back.

He hears Tony’s breathing change so he says, “you’re up.”

“How the hell did you even know that I haven’t moved?” Tony groans, pushing himself up and rubbing his head.

“You’re breathing pattern changed,” Bucky replies, holding out the cup and aspirin.

“That’s a little creepy,” Tony says, taking the pills, “You have to admit it’s a little creepy.” He groans and closes his eyes, leaning his head back against the headboard.

“I’m allows to regulate you’re breathing.” Bucky snaps. He leans forward and says, quieter, “Tony what the hell happens last night?”

“Nothing,” Tony says firmly, “Nothing. Just went a little too hard on drinking. Hadn’t drank in a while.” He shakes his head and gets up to put back on his pants. All the sudden he freezes. “You didn’t take off my shirt last night, right?” he mumbles and Bucky is shocked by how nervous Tony sounds.

Bucky shakes his head, “Steve took off your jeans because he read some article about them cutting off circulation or something.” Bucky laughs, shaking his head. “I don’t know he’s the definition of an old man with the internet. Sorry not the point. No, he just took off your pants but he felt really bad about it, got all blushy and worried about keeping your modesty.”

Tony laughs and relaxes a little. “I don’t think I have any modesty left. But uh thanks. For not taking off my shirt. I don’t really like other people being near the reactor. All the shit with Obie kinda fucked me up in the head for that.” If anyone understands fucked up in the head it’s Bucky. “So, thanks. For everything. Sorry Rhodes called and bothered you. I told him not too.”

“Hey house rule goes both ways.” Bucky says with a smirk, “You bother me. I bother you.”

Tony laughs, softly. “Okay. Both ways. I should go back to the lab.”

“Wait,” Bucky says.

“What’s up Buckaroo?” Tony says, turning around.

Bucky chooses to ignore that; too worried he royally fucked up. “Did I… did I do something wrong? Yesterday I mean when I was in the lab. If the arm is too much or if I did something wrong you can just tell me. The old arm really wasn’t _that_ bad…” he rubs the edge of his shirt where the arm used to be.

“That god damn arm was prehistoric,” Tony says, “I’m making you a new one. You didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn’t about you.”

“You’re sure?” Bucky asks, quietly.

“Bucky,” Tony says, “I promise. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was my shit don’t worry about it.”

Tony’s already turning and leaving when Bucky decides, fuck it, and takes his shot. “Have a good day Doll,”

Tony freezes and Bucky worries that he made it worse. But eventually Tony says, “Have a good day Bucky.”

Bucky watches Tony run straight into Steve before he can say anything. “Hey,” Steve says, “Where you going?”

“Lab. I wanna get starts on Buck… Barnes’s arm.” Bucky tries not to flinch at the return to his last name.

“Tony we should…” Steve starts but Bucky shakes his head and Steve seems to get the message. “Okay. Let us know if we can help at all.”

When Tony’s gone Steve turns to him. “Did he tell you what was wrong?”

Bucky shakes his head. “No but he didn’t seem keen to talk about it either and I didn’t want to push him.”

“Yeah pushing him doesn’t normally go well,” Steve says nodding, “Maybe he’ll let us down there, because he’s building your arm, and we can just make sure he’s okay.”

“Okay yeah,” Bucky says nodding.

***

“Okay,” Tony says, spinning around.

“What?” Steve asks.

“It’s done,” Tony says, “It’s not perfect but it’s lighter weight. I’ll make it better. I promise this is just a prototype but I didn’t want you to go armless for too long and…”

“Tony,” Bucky says putting his hand on his shoulder, “Doll. I’m sure it’s perfect.”

“Sit.” Tony says. “How’s that feel?”

“Good. My shoulder hurts less it doesn’t feel like it’s weighing me down anymore.” He runs his hand over it and he _feels_ it.

“What?” Tony says, panickedly appearing next to him, “What’s wrong?”

“I can feel that?” He says, awestruck.

“Oh yeah.” Tony rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “I told you I could make it do that.”

“I thought you were just telling me that to make me feel better about taking the arm off. How did you…”

“The shocking was actually what made me figure it out. I… um,” Tony says, “I think they put some control mechanism in your arm. Where the malfunction that was causing the shocks was wasn’t somewhere that you should have been feeling it. So, I took a shot, figures out what frequency the arm was going at and figures it would line up with whatever they attached to you.”

“Wait,” Steve snaps, “You’re saying they fucking chips Bucky so they could shock him.”

Tony shrinks in on himself. “I’m not certain but I’m pretty sure. If he couldn’t feel anything in that arm, he shouldn’t have been able to feel the shocks.”

Steve slams his hand down on the table he’s standing next to and Tony flinches. “Steve!” Bucky snaps, jumping up, “Calm the fuck down!”

“Bucky,” Steve’s voice is soft and cracking

Bucky walks over and cups Steve’s face in his hands. “Steve,” he replies, near silently.

“I’ll kill every one of those bastards,” Steve snarls low.

“No,” Bucky replies, “I’m here. I’m safe.”

“They hurt you,” Steve whispers back.

“You saved me,” Bucky replies, “Going after them isn’t going to do anything but put us both back in dangers.”

“I love you so much,” Steve almost sobs.

“I love you too,” Bucky murmurs.

After a few seconds Steve straightens up. “Sorry,” he says turning to Tony.

“It’s fine.” Tony shakes his head. “Um yeah so whatever they put in you to uh do that.” He waves vaguely at Bucky’s old arm. “I figured it was probably connected to your nervous system and if I could figure out the frequency, I could make it so you could feel without having to cut you open. It really wasn’t that big a deal.”

“It’s amazing,” Bucky says, “You’re amazing. You’re a genius.”

“It’s really not that big a deal.” Bucky is starting to get tired of the way Tony downplays his genius and compassion.

Bucky steps back and looks down, blushing. “It’s amazing Doll. I don’t know how you do it.”

Steve steps forward. “Tony it truly is very impressive. Thank you so much.” ~~~~

“It’s really not that big a deal,” Tony says when Steve pulls back.

“It is. It’s a huge deal. You’re a marvel Doll.” Bucky leans forward and kisses his cheek

“Thank you,” Steve says, “You have no idea how much this means.”

***

Bucky can’t always remember everything, the chair fried him pretty good for that, but once his memories start returning so many of them are of Steve. The first time they met, when he realizes they were soulmates, the first time Steve got so sick Bucky thought he was going to die. There are so many memories it’s hard sometimes. Sometimes he can’t be around Steve because Steve fills his head and he just can’t process it. He gets angry and snaps and he knows how much it hurts Steve, he can see it in his eyes, but it’s just _too much._

That’s what makes Tony so easy to talk too. He doesn’t have any expectations and Bucky can be around him without being worried about being assaults by memories. He knows it’s selfish, he knows that Tony has done so much for him already, but it’s just so much easier. He never kicks him out or tells him to fuck off. He’s nice and caring and he doesn’t always pay attention if he’s too absorbs in his work but he’s _there_ when everything else is too hard.

Fuck. Oh fuck. He’s in love with him.

***

He tells Steve almost immediately. He fucked everything up he should have known he would ruin what he and Steve had too.

“So,” Steve’s face is pinched. “What are you saying?”

“I’m in love with him. I wasn’t trying to be I promise it just happened and I was just going to pretend it wasn’t happening but you deserve to know,” Bucky says.

“Do you,” Steve trails off, “I’m going to ask you this and it’s okay if your answer is no, I just need clarification on where this conversation is going.” Bucky nods and Steve continues, “Do you still love _me?_ Is this a ‘we’re breaking up I’m in love with someone else’ conversation or are you freaking out because you love us both?”

“Steve.” Bucky steps forward and cups his face. “of course, I still love you. God so much. I just…”

“Tony too,” Steve says softly.

Bucky nods. “Tony too.”

“We almost,” Steve trails off again, “Before you came back, I think we might have but then you came and I love you so much and I knew I had to choose…”

“So, you chose me,” Bucky says.

“Yeah and I don’t regret that Bucky I don’t. not having you was like missing a part of me but I wish I just didn’t have to choose,” Steve says the last part softly, leaning his forehead against Bucky’s.

They sit in silence until Bucky finally voices something he had been wondering for a while. “What if he’s our third? Have you ever seen his marks?”

“I thought about it before and sometimes when were all together it just feels _right_. I don’t know Bucky. I’ve never seen them… I’m actually not certain he has them,” Steve says.

Bucky inhales and decides to tell him. “He said mine once.”

“What?” Steve asks, head jerking up.

“ ** _I forgive you_** ,” Bucky says, “With everything I’ve done it doesn’t guarantee anything but about a month into being here I had a bad night and I didn’t want to wake you. I went up to the roof and the stuff I said freaked FRIDAY out enough she called him up. He told me he forgave me. I’ve always felt like it was the most important thing he ever told me.”

“Bucky,” Steve says, breathlessly, “He’s said mine too.”

“What?” Bucky asks.

“ ** _No wait_**. Right before he flew the nuke into the worm hole. Natasha was going to close it and I told her to and he told us to wait,” Steve says, “He kind of said it to the team as a whole so I didn’t think much of it at first but…” he trials off.

“But he said them,” Bucky says.

“Yeah,” Steve says.

“If he does… if he is… what if… he might not,” Bucky stutters, “What if he doesn’t want us?” and he really hopes Steve hears the real question because Bucky _knows_ he would want Steve, they’re so perfect for each other. The real question is if he would want _him._

“Buck,” Steve says, gently

“I know,” he replies, “I know.”

“I love you,” Steve says.

“I love you too,” he kisses him.

***

They don’t really talk about it after that. they don’t know how too so it just kind of hangs there until one-night Tony, who doesn’t even know about the turmoil they’re going through, breaks it.

Tony suddenly cuts the silence by laughing harshly. “I give up.”

“What’s wrong doll?” Bucky asks, looking up concerned.

Tony snaps, “Why the fuck is you here?”

Bucky tries not to flinch at that. had he misread what Tony wanted. Maybe he had only just tolerated them there. He hesitantly asks, “Do you want us to leave?”

“No,” Tony sighs, “That’s not what I… I don’t understand why you’re here.”

That only confuses Bucky more. “I’m confused. Doll if you want us to go, we’ll go.”

“Jesus,” Tony slumps into his chair and put his face in his hands, “That’s not what I meant.”

Bucky stands and slowly crosses over to Tony. “Talk to us doll.”

Tony shakes his head. He doesn’t seem to fully be talking to them anymore “You don’t know. So why do you stay?”

“Know what?” Steve asks, standing and walking to stand behind Bucky.

“Nothing.” Tony says, shaking his head and standing. “Forget I said it. Never mind. I’m just being an idiot.” He laughs. “But when aren’t I?”

“You’re a genius Tony,” Steve says, softly.

That seems to only frustrate Tony further. “This is what I mean. You can’t just say shit like that!” Tony says. “Did Vision say something? I thought I wiped all that from his data base before I put Jarvis in him. Maybe I missed something and he remembers enough to think you know.”

“Tony,” Bucky steps forward again. “Breathe. You’re spiraling. Vision didn’t say anything. What did you think he told us?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Tony wavs a dismissive hand and turns back around. “Forget it.”

“Tony,” Steve says “Tell us what’s wrong.”

“Tony. You can’t just go off like that and then act like nothing happened.” Bucky insists when Tony just waves a hand at them.

“Don’t worry about it.” Tony replies

“Tony,” Steve says and he’s putting on his captain voice and Bucky can tell that’s a bad idea from the way Tony tenses.

“Steve,” he says, clearly trying to play it off, to push Steve’s buttons until he leaves.

“Come on. what’s wrong? You know you can talk to us about anything right?” Bucky asks, maneuvering so Steve is behind him.

“Not about this,” Tony mumbles, “You are literally the only two people in the world I can’t tell,” he then adds almost silently, “You’re the only ones I would want to tell anyway.”

“Tony what are you saying?” Steve asks, stepping back in front of Bucky.

Tony shrinks in on himself and shakes his head. “Never mind. Forget it.”

That’s when it hits Bucky, maybe they had been right. “You can’t tell us but you want too. In fact, were the only people you want to tell.” Bucky steps back around Steve and decides fuck it what’s the worst response he can get at this point. “Tony, are you our third?”

When Tony closes his eyes and nods something explodes in his chest and Bucky has never felt happier.

“Oh Tony,” Steve says, every act has fallen away and he looks so vulnerable, “Why didn’t you tell us?”

Bucky knows Tony says something else but he can’t hear anything over the ringing in his ears because it hits him, tony doesn’t want them. That’s why he hasn’t told them.

When he focus’s again, Tony is turning to leave and they must talk about this even if it’s a rejection. Steve’s beat him to it yelling, “Tony stop!” and grabbing his wrist.

“Let me go!” Tony yells and when he jerks his hand out of Steve’s grasp, who drops his wrist. Bucky steps in front of him because they have to talk

“No,” Bucky says firmly “You don’t get to run away this time.” He adds softly, “Doll talk to us.” Bucky reaches out and stops just short of touching him

For a moment he thinks he’s actually gotten through and maybe for once Tony will _listen_ but then he backs up and runs into Steve and Bucky knows he’s overwhelms because he turns on Steve and snaps, “can’t you just give me some fucking space!” this time when he tries to shove past Bucky lets him.

“That didn’t go great,” Bucky says.

***

They talk about it and decide Bucky should go. he’s pretty sure Steve knows why he wants to be the one to go, knows what Bucky’s going to offer Tony. He’s not sure why Steve lets him go anyway, he’s normally very against Bucky’s self-destructive behaviors, but he does.

He knocks on the door and when he goes to open it and FRIDAY doesn’t stop him, he goes in. He see’s Tony slumped over on his bed.

He walks over to Tony’s bed and sits on the edge, “Tony,” he says, barely audibly. “If… If you don’t want to be with me. I’ll back off. You can have Steve. I’ve… I’ve done enough.” And part of him knows it’s true. If it would make Tony happy, he’s willing to abandon both his soulmates.

“Bucky,” Tony says, sitting up “I told you. That’s not your fault. I don’t blame you.”

“You might not blame me but that doesn’t mean you want to be with me. I mean God I don’t know how you can stand to be around me Tony,” Bucky says.

“Bucky stop,” Tony says, “That’s not what’s wrong. Jesus do you really think that?”

“Yeah Tony. I killed your fucking parents,” Bucky snaps, curling in on himself.

Tony rolls his eyes. “You didn’t kill my parents. Hydra kills my parents.”

“Fine,” Bucky says, rolling his eyes back, “Hydra used me to kill your parents.”

“yeah they used you. you didn’t have control Bucky,” Tony says, “It wasn’t your fault.”

Bucky slumps over and leans against Tony, flooded with relief. “I…”

“It’s okay.” Tony kisses the side of his head. “I’ve got you.”

Suddenly Bucky needs to know. “Can I see them?” Bucky asks, sitting up. “Your words?”

“If you want,” Tony says, shrugging and pulling his shirt off. Steve’s words are cruel but unsurprising all things considered. Bucky’s are the first words he ever said to him. He reaches out to touch them but Tony flinches away and he pulls back. “Sorry,” Tony mumbles, “The arc reactor… it just… I don’t like people touching it.”

“It’s okay,” Bucky says, “I’m sorry I have to ask you something.”

“What?” Tony asks, taking his hand and guiding it back to his chest.

“It didn’t make sense until now and I wasn’t even sure that I was right but did you stop fighting? In the bunker when we first met. Those words… they’re…” Bucky fumbled over his words eventually trailing off.

“They’re what you said to me. When I asked if you remembered her,” Tony finishes.

“I’m so sorry…” Bucky starts.

“Bucky don’t…”

“No wait just let me. please,” Bucky says. When Tony nods he continues, “I know you don’t blame me for your parent’s death but it was still my face. I still almost killed you in that bunker.”

“I went after you first,” Tony says, waving his hand.

“You stopped,” Bucky says, “When you realized I was your soulmate.”

Tony doesn’t respond to that, just puts his shirt back on and allows Bucky to help him up. “Where… where do we go from here?”

Bucky pulls him all the way to his chest and wraps his arms around him. “We’ll figure it out.” Tony melts in his arms.

“I’m so tired. I don’t want to fight anymore. I can’t be alone anymore.” Tony says.

“You don’t have to,” Steve says.

Bucky, reluctantly, steps back and turns to where Steve stands

“I came to see how things were going,” Steve says.

“Making sure I don’t try to kill him again?” Tony laughs harshly and shrink into himself.

“Doll,” Bucky coos, turning to him. Tony steps back.

Steve steps fully into the room. “Tony.”

“No, it’s fine,” Tony says, shaking his head, “It wouldn’t be an unfair assumption. I tried to kill him. I shouldn’t be here. I should have just left, given you the tower and gone somewhere else. I…”

“Tony.” Steve steps closer. “You’re spiraling. It’s okay. Just breathe.” He reaches out and takes Tony’s hands in his own. “Tony.”

“Stop saying my name like that!” Tony snaps, pulling away.

“Doll, stop putting up walls,” Bucky says, stepping in between them, cupping his face.

“I can’t,” Tony says, “It’s too much.”

“Sweetheart,” Bucky says, gently, “We’re not asking for you to be completely vulnerable tonight but you have to stop pushing us away.”

Steve steps forward. “Tony, I love you. I’m so sorry for what I said, what words I left on you that weren’t true to the kind and amazing person you are.”

Tony’s barks out a laugh, harsh and self-deprecating. “Don’t,” Tony says, shaking his head, “Don’t tell me you love me. You don’t mean it. It’s just because you found out I’m your third. This.” he gestures between them. “will go away.”

Steve whines and steps around Bucky to stand in front of Tony. “That’s not true.”

“Steve believe me. I understand how this works. It’s okay really. You two are happy without me. It sucks but I’ve lives without soulmates for this long I’ll survive. I don’t want you to rush into something and realize that being soulmates doesn’t make you love me. Then you’ll feel stuck with me and grow to resent me but you won’t leave because you’re both self-sacrificing idiots.”

“We’re the self-sacrificing idiots?” Steve suddenly cuts in, “Tony what do you think this is? You’re saying you don’t want to be with us because you want us to be happy. Tony did you ever consider that maybe we would be happier _with_ you than without you? Tony if you don’t want to be with us because _you_ don’t want too then we will respect that. So far, all the reasons you have given us have been about how we don’t want you but we do. We want you. We want you before this. I have been in love with you since before Bucky came back. I won’t speak for Bucky but I see the way he looks at you Tony.”

“I love you Doll,” Bucky says, “I love you so much. I don’t know when I fell in love with you but I know I love you. I knew I loved you before I knew about the marks.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t,” Tony says, nearly silent.

“We can decide that for ourselves,” Steve says.

“You’re so stubborn,” Tony says, laughing breathlessly.

“He’s always been like that,” Bucky says.

“You two will be the death of me,” Steve says, turning back to Bucky, smiling.

“You love us anyway,” Bucky replies.

“You’re both idiots,” Tony cuts in.

Bucky laughs and moves to stand next to Tony. “And we’re all yours.” Tony flushes and looks down. Bucky cups his face and tilts his face upward overcome with the urge to kiss him. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes,” Tony says. Bucky moves to cup his cheek and gently presses their lips together. Tony places a hand on Bucky’s waist. When they pull back Tony is flushes and Bucky is smiling. His smile widens when he see’s Steve over Tony’s shoulder.

Bucky leans forward and whispers in Tony’s ear, “Look at Steve.”

Tony’s eyes flick over and Steve was bright red and trying to look like he wasn’t watching them.

Tony unravels himself from Bucky’s arms and walks over to Steve. “You wanna kiss me Steve?” Steve’s head snaps up and he nods wordlessly. Tony leans up and presses his lips to Steve’s.

When they pull away Steve rests his forehead on Tony’s. Bucky comes up behind them and drapes his arm over Tony’s shoulders and wraps them around Steve’s neck. Bucky buries his face in Tony’s shoulder and kisses his shoulder blade. He’s felt so much like a monster for so long but maybe, just maybe, he isn’t because he can’t imagine these two perfect men ever loving a monster.

**Author's Note:**

> I have had this in my drafts for a year and a half because i am struggling to write the final part of this series but i am so proud of it and i hope you like it! I'm not fully done with Steve's part but it should be done soon. These can all be read as stand alones but a few of the smaller details are interconnected.  
> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated!


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